If she were on Twitter, she would be @FeeBee, and she would be all about the #selfies.

Dog owners are a powerful demographic, and that’s because dogs are the best and deserve to be worshipped. There was probably a time when dogs were threading an impressive line between “domesticated house pets” and “the descendants of ancient wolves,” but that time is gone. They’re one of us now. 24% of respondents to a Nielsen survey said they buy gifts for their pets on holidays. According to Mashable, 14% of dog owners say their dog has a Facebook account, 6% have Twitters, and a record 27% have YouTube channels. (Don’t tell me you wouldn’t watch the hell out of that, because you would.)

Here at Gemba, we’re no exception. We’re obsessed with our dogs. We brought them into the office for Take Your Dog to Work Day, and it was adorable. Well, it was a slobbery, furry melee of dominance to determine which among them was the one true alpha, but it was an adorable one.

There was Murphy, whose first act as the resident Office Dog was to release a veritable tsunami of slobber. It was decided that if he went to Hogwarts, he would be a Hufflepuff.

There was Phoebe, who was given peanut butter, whereupon she entered what can only be described as an altered state of consciousness.

The biggest dog that has ever existed, probably.

And then there was our Company President’s dog, who did not make an appearance but who apparently shares a name with said President. I decided to look into this, and the following conversation ensued after I cornered him near the printers.

ME: You gave your dog your own last name?
HIM: Yes.
ME: You named your dog after yourself?
HIM: Yes! People name their kids after themselves all the time. Why can’t I name my dog after myself?
ME: Well, it’s a little weird.
HIM: And awesome?
ME: Maybe slightly awesome.
HIM: It also gives me an excuse to yell my own last name, at the top of my lungs, off the porch each night. Which I really like.
ME: Get over yourself. I already said it was awesome.


Such majesty.

At which point he not only did not fire me, but he also broke down the decision-making process that goes into naming one’s dog after oneself. It includes 1) wanting to name your dog after one of your favorite authors, 2) realizing that no derivatives of Ernest Hemingway or John Steinbeck exist that will fully encapsulate the scope of this magnificent beast of a Labrador, and finally 3) coming to the conclusion that there’s only one thing left to do–name this paragon of canine perfection after yourself, so that he can carry on the family name. He (the dog, not our Company Prez) enjoys long walks on the beach, licking the floor, and barking indiscriminately, which would be a problem in the office, because we have customers and employees who need to come through the door from time to time.

But that is neither here nor there. The point is that dog owners are a powerful demographic, possibly the most powerful in existence. A 2012 study published in the International Journal of Workplace Health Management found that dogs in the office can have a positive effect on the overall atmosphere. Good vibes abound. Here at Gemba, that was definitely true. We all got slobbered on, and we were better for it.

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