6 Ways Our Service Offerings Could Help Santa Claus

Santa Claus gets a bad rap for being “nonexistent,” which is bullsh*t. The man is as real as flying reindeer and helper elves. But he needs a major brand overhaul—this “flying, benevolent gift-giver” image just isn’t resonating with certain demographics, namely millennials and adults and kids who found some incriminating presents in their parents’ closet.

So we gathered the dream team, sat down, donned our festive hats, and did our thing. And here’s what we came up with.

A Holly Jolly Mobile Tour
Santa’s going to be doing a little pre-Christmas surprise and delight in a city near you. Now, I know what you’re thinking. The guy already leaves people presents—how much more “surprise and delight” could he possibly dish out? But we’re talking pop-up sampling in a winter wonderland, free Christmas cookie and candy cane samples, and the chance to win a VIP trip to the North Pole.

That’s a Wrap
Adults are always tired. It’s the one great fundamental truth in this crazy, messed-up world of ours. Write a letter to Santa explaining why you or someone you care about deserves a break—the elves will do your shopping for you and even wrap up the goods.

A Very Collegiate Christmas
For college students, Christmas is a whole different animal. You’re saying “It’s almost the holidays,” but they’re hearing “Final exams are almost finished and I can finally get my life back.” During exam week in December, Santa will partner with Red Bull and Insomnia Cookies to bring students the fuel they need for late-night cram sessions. He’ll also become an Uber driver and drive students home from the library (or a celebratory end-of-the-semester party) in his sleigh.

Streaming Santa
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house… everyone watched Santa’s journey with the click of a mouse. By partnering with YouTube, Twitter, Periscope, and/or the official NORAD Santa Tracker, Santa will be keeping the masses entertained throughout the night with all manner of live streaming.

Netflix and Chill
We’ll provide a sponsored pajama-clad viewing party of everyone’s holiday favorites (Home Alone, A Christmas Story, A Charlie Brown Christmas) in the warmth and comfort of your local State Theater. (Yes, there will be hot chocolate. Of course there’ll be hot chocolate. What are we, heathens?)

Grand Theft Santa
‘Tis the season for VR gamification. We’ll set up interactive installations that allow people to hop aboard the sleigh and deliver presents in an immersive virtual reality video game. They’ll be playing against the clock, trying to beat Santa’s time. The highest scores will win a chance to be Santa’s VIP guest in the sleigh on the big night!

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